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About Digital Art / Student Jay Nikola Dawson18/Male/United States Recent Activity
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dweebzilla
Jay Nikola Dawson
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
i'm a gay nerd who draws a lot that's really all you need to know
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i am the cosmos, unending and beautiful
an amalgam of cold infinities
you cannot destroy that which has no end

there is stardust in my eyes
and there are galaxies in my heart
my soul belongs not to you but to the universe

i am a dream and a nightmare
and all that you will love and loathe all at once
so in the end you will always remember me for something

my worth is more than you can ever comprehend
i am endless and lovely and you are nothing
neither of us can die but at least i have lived

i am loved so much more than you could know
and while i cannot see that sometimes
you do not have the power to take it from me

you are divisive and disgusting and all that is hideous
and hate is what makes up the cells in your ugly being
you project your impurities on others instead of trying to change

i am worthy of the things you try to take away from me
and all the love you claimed for yourself is no longer yours
i have taken that which you believed was yours to keep

the rot that has accumulated in your core
is not the result of what others have done to you
but what you have done to yourself in their names

i am still weary now but at least i am loved
there are people who can see the worth i could not
and i am slowly learning to look closer and see it myself

you may have hurt me but i have yet to be broken
because it takes more than the poison dripping off your fangs
to shatter the golden heart at the core of eternity

i am more powerful than you could ever comprehend
and while your words may still sting on the outside
i have that which you can never achieve

there are words of love on my lips and they are not yours
they belong to he whom you tried to take from me
and you may try to end us but you cannot take love from the lovers

i am the golden arrow drawn on cupid's bowstring
being pointed squarely at he who believes he has already been pierced
when he has yet to even see the spearhead of my shimmering heart

try as you might he is not yours to keep captive
he is not a common housepet as you seem to so wrongly believe
his spirit is a wolf and he does not take kindly to being leashed

i am his and he is mine and you are not part of our big picture
you are nothing more than a plot device to be used and discarded
your brief time in the limelight ended long ago

take your decietful words and piercing lies and leave us be
stop manipulating the truth and claiming it to be the work of others
i have seen you for what you are and you are nothing but ugliness

i am everything you had wished to be and you are jealous
this is my time and my life and my love
and i want nothing to do with those who dare try to make me a tragedy
Overdose by dweebzilla
Overdose
i tried to kill myself a while ago by overdosing on ibuprofen, it was an interesting experience

sketch in pencil
digital lining and coloring in sai with a mouse/trackpad

i wanted to shade it more than this but with the weird pupil shape and simplistic style i decided to stick to something understated, and also i've been working on it too long anyway
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what would have been is no longer what will be
and while i have learned to accept it
i still find it hard to let go of the past

what we have now is fine
a return to how things used to be
it's all fine by me
and yet i still find myself
in the midst of all this chaos
thinking about coulds and shoulds and woulds
things that i would have liked to have
but that never would have worked in the end

only now do i realize that what i loved then
was not the real version of you
but a patchwork of dreams and ideals

i was only able to create masterpieces for you
because the you i loved was a mere muse
a hollow shell of what you really were
i saw you without flaws or weaknesses
and i still find it hard to see you for you

i push away the genuine love i have now
because part of me still wants the perfect love
i created for myself so long ago

the misunderstandings of youth
have tainted my vision of the future
and now i find it so hard to believe
that what seemed so sure back then
is now nothing but a distant fondness

it's all fine in the end
everything works out and we find
that what seemed so final and towering
was just a bump in the road to greater things

i spent so many nights
crying for what was nothing more than an illusion
pretty sweets poisoned by my own hand

i wanted to apologize for decieving you
for stealing years of your life
and creating pain where none had to exist
for my own selfish pleasures
and the wants i disguised as needs

i realize now that this did not have to be
and now that it no longer is
i can see that i did nothing but hurt you
turned people against you
for my own selfish desires

it was fun while it lasted
i will admit that
but i realize now that it never would have worked
and this is what it needs to be now

our paths still intertwine
but not as intimately as they used to
we have our own twisting futures to attend to
and while we no longer share the same fate
i still hope you are part of the road ahead of me

goodbye to the you i created
apologies to the you who truly existed
nice to meet the you moulded from our delusion
and long time no see to the you i met in the beginning
who was hurt so much by the mistakes i made
Sweetie Rin by dweebzilla
Sweetie Rin
for KigiminRin's voca outfit contest

it took a little bit to figure out how i wanted the colors to be laid out but i decided on one that takes from her original colors- white shirt grey/black arm/legwarmers, yellow bow, but also a little new, with the yellow shoes and black bow. i wanted to make this a rin/miku entry but this one took so much time to finish that i don't know if i'd be able to finish miku's on time.
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Hi! This is the information you need in order to give me money in exchange for art. All commissions are full color + shading unless otherwise specified! A basic reference (drawing, dress up game screenshot, etc) so I can get a feel for your character is preferred but not required.

Bust: $3 (+$2 for each additional character)

Waist-up: $5 (+$3 for each additional character)

Knee-up: $7 (+$4 for each additional character)

Fullbody: $10 (+$5 for each additional character)

Character sheet (unshaded): $15 (+$5 for full shading)

As I haven’t had a tablet in a while and my drawing abilities have improved since last I had one and I only currently have two recent tablet-drawn pictures, I still need to draw examples for each of these, but you can look through my gallery to get a general feel for my abilities.

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:iconcyberweasel89:
Cyberweasel89 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
:+devwatch: this account and your Kisekae account!
Reply
:icondweebzilla:
dweebzilla Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2016  Student Digital Artist
i havent used kisekae in months actually, but i appreciate it! i might get back into it
Reply
:iconlatoik:
latoik Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016
'your anatomy is shit'
how do you like it
Reply
:icondweebzilla:
dweebzilla Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  Student Digital Artist
i know my anatomy is shit but at least im working on it lol
Reply
:iconpuffy-paws:
Puffy-Paws Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hayo bro! Just wanted to see how you were doin'^^
Reply
:icondweebzilla:
dweebzilla Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2015  Student Digital Artist
pretty good! that's a cute drawing.
Reply
:iconpuffy-paws:
Puffy-Paws Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks bro just thought it would be funny^^
Reply
:iconpuffy-paws:
Puffy-Paws Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Just wanted to say sorry it's late happy thanksgiving baby hope you had a great one!
Reply
:icondweebzilla:
dweebzilla Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2015  Student Digital Artist
thanks! i'd appreciate if you tone down on calling me "baby" though. call me bro!
Reply
:iconpuffy-paws:
Puffy-Paws Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sure thing bro!
Reply
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